Not Beyond Repair
by DatAssRomano
Summary: Caught in the middle of a homicide spree, Karkat has to learn to live without his sight, and learn what happened the night he lost it. Gamzee, on the other hand, has other plans up his sleeves. ((Bad summary- GamKat, JohnKat, Dave/Terezi, etc.))
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N; I don't even know. This is alternate universe. Review for more, otherwise I'll never end up finishing it. I have about five ongoing fics right now, and they're all Hetalia except for this. This is my current favourite. I wanted to write it in second person so I did. Age differences have been adjusted so Karkat and co. are all about eighteen; and the second lot (Roxy and Jane and co.) are all in their late twenties and/or thirties. I wrote this all in a couple of hours. **_

_### #### _

"_Would you mind if I hurt you?_

_Understand that I need to,_

_Wish that I had other choices,_

_Than to hurt the one I love,_

_-What have you done now?"_

**-Your name is Karkat Vantas.**

Your head slammed into the hard concrete wall behind you, making you completely unable to stop the faint whimper that escaped your throat as a trail of red blood dripped down your forehead. There was a thumping sound from deep within your head that you regretfully assumed was yet another of those painful headaches. Your vision was blurring as you forced your bloodstained head up, meeting those purple eyes with your own unflinching red gaze. The violet-eyed gaze seemed oddly puzzled by your reaction, still expecting one day that you'd give up and die, or run away. You knew the taller, lankier man still had a club clenched in one fist, but kept eye contact, staring him down even though in reality you couldn't even focus on that ghastly and messed-up clown makeup. The only noise in the room was your own harsh, panicked breathing as you struggled to get enough air into your oxygen-starved lungs- a strange difference to anyone who knew you two, because usually neither of you would shut up. As much as you tried breathing, you really weren't getting anywhere; your vision was blacking out into static the more you pushed yourself. The blood was getting into your eyes, and it stung horribly, burning you. You pushed it aside; trying to ignore it as much as possible in favour of struggling to form words to push past your damaged windpipe- _anything, just to make him stop- _but it was nearly futile. You were almost too far-gone for any clarity.

"G-Gam…please…"

One weak, bloodstained hand reached up almost to try to touch the man, _Gamzee_, but you watched it blur out of vision and become completely indistinct. All you could see was the dark red, everywhere, consuming everything in its' grasp, and you could feel yourself slumping forward, your hand dropping limply to the tiled floor with a muffled splash. It was warm, too warm to be tiles, but you wanted to believe that it was simply water and not the blood you'd seen everywhere.

"I don't want you to see this, Karbro."

That lilting voice, so quiet all of a sudden, gave you a reply that really wasn't an answer at all. At any other time, you'd be yelling at him to clarify, to make sense and not idiocy, but it was far too late for all of those hijinks now.

_Too late, _your mind echoed emptily as you fell into the darkness.

_Far too late._

_### ####_

"Mr Vantas, are you awake?"

The first sensation you were aware of as you came back to consciousness slowly was the aching pain in your head. It wasn't at just one point within your head, but making a trip all around, to the swelling you could feel on your cheeks, the sharp jabs inside your head, the stinging of your still-closed eyes. The pain was dulled, though, as if there was a layer of cotton between it and your dulled mind. There was warmth on your face, however, and that puzzled you a little. There weren't really any places with sunlight in your apartment or anything…except for the balcony. Had you really fallen asleep out there… And why did your head hurt so much…?

"Mr Vantas?"

"…Mmh…"

You manage to grunt out a noncommittal response to the voice annoying you. It was right in your ear, probably beside you, and it was a pain in your ass, keeping you awake. You register it as a woman's voice, but otherwise didn't really care. You just wanted to go back to sleep, to sink back into that comfortable blackness that didn't have pain, or alertness, or _anything. _You didn't want to have to answer this woman; you didn't want to do anything that involved moving or thinking- or existing in general, even- and this woman wasn't going to stop you in your quest.

"Mr Vantas, dear, I need you to sit up. You need to take this medication now, please."

…_Medication?_

"Wh't f'r?"

Curiosity sparked in your drowsy mind and you swam back up to full consciousness. Your voice sounded muffled, far away even though you were the person speaking the words. You would have scowled but it hurt too much to do that particular option, so you sit up at the request, however, with a little difficulty, and the woman slipped another pillow under your back so you could sit on the bed with more comfort. You let out a heavy sigh, trying not to wince as the rush of air burns your throat. Gentle hands took hold of your face with one hand. It didn't even seem to occur to either of you in the room that your question had been put aside for no reason. You were enveloped in a warm hug, which sparked more questions in your mind as to why exactly a stranger was touching you, but you didn't have a lot of doubt this was supposed to comfort you or something. On the contrary, you wanted to push her away from you, but you were not strong enough to even attempt putting that much effort into a movement such as that.

"You poor thing. I can't believe such a thing happe-"

A door slammed open and you flinch into the grip of the woman's warm body, inching away from the location the loud sound had come from. Her hair brushed your nose lightly as she turned her head towards the direction, and you were overwhelmed with the nice scent of baking. She smelt so sweet and sugary, like cookies and cake. You inhale again, enjoying the scent even if you could only just get a hint of it through your aching and bruised nose. The woman spoke to whoever had just entered, her hands sliding to the small of your back to still hold you gently.

"Roxy, what is it?"

"Janey! Ish you!"

"Yes, it is. You told me to come in here and give Mr Vantas his medication."

"Oh! Did I how? …Now."

An ever-so-slightly-annoying giggle echoed the now-fixed sentence. You refrain from frowning. How much alcohol had that new woman had? And why was there a drunken lady in here? 'Else she was on drugs or something, because that kind of slurring and tripping over words was far from normal. Was she a patient or something? But the woman you were clinging to had just said that one had told her to medicate you. You crack one heavy eyelid open, braving the light you could feel on your sensitive skin to glare at her, whoever the hell she was.

That was when it hit you.

_You couldn't see._

You stiffen, opening the other eye and staring- or apparently the equivalent- and you still couldn't make out anything at all. It was all black. All darkness. A sharp pang of fear hit your chest, right where your heart was. This just wasn't _possible. _A shudder racked you as you shift closer to the woman- _Janey? - _And she ran a hand up your spine comfortingly. It didn't make you feel any better, but you'd take any form of comfort at the moment.

"Wh-why can't I see?"

Your voice sounded far away still, although clearer than before as your grim reality hit you like a concrete block.

"Oh. Ya din't tell 'im?"

"I didn't know! Roxy, you didn't tell me he was blind!"

"Mm, yesh, he is! 't was d'mage to his brain." 

"_Roxy!"_

You decide to stop listening.

_I'm blind._

_I'm fucking blind._

You can't hear what the two women in the room are saying/arguing about any more as it fades slowly from your hearing into an indistinct blur (much like your sight, you think wryly). You finally figured out where in hell you were, by the sound of the steady beep of a monitor, the indifference the whole place seemed to have, the cold sterile feel. It all made a horrifying pile of sense now you actually have a brain in that crevice.

The hospital.

You drop back onto the sheets bonelessly.

_### ####_

**-You have stopped being Karkat Vantas. You are now this guy, who can't be bothered with his name at the moment. **

"_Ew, look at the creepy guy."_

"_What's with the clown makeup?"_

"_It's like something from a horror movie."_

"_Don't go near that man, honey! He might have diseases."_

_You cough, the sound loud as you drop down onto the gutter, sitting on the side of the street like a homeless bum. You ignore the uppity people striding past you, and their unhidden looks of disgust. You knew you weren't clean, and your makeup had probably smeared to a weird sort of mess. This part of the city probably wasn't the best place to be. Even sane, you hadn't been a huge fan of the part of this place. Even if you belonged here. After all, you had as much money, as much shit as any of these pompous motherfuckers had. A scowl tugged at your lips but you didn't let it change your expression, bright eyes scanning the crowd. _

_You stand up to make your way downtown, to the dregs of society so you could maybe steal some old food or some motherfucking shit like that. You were totally up for stealing right now, because your stomach was like a dying grub. It was all up and grumbling like nothing on earth. You pat it comfortingly and begin your trek, still ignoring the people wondering why a guy with smeared clown makeup and pyjamas on was wandering around the streets aimlessly. You take one look back at the brand-name clothing stores, the health foods, the polluted air, and decide then and there you were going to return one day. But it wasn't today. You would go to the bottom and work your way up, as someone else, perhaps. Someone you felt like being. _

_This could work out quite nicely if you played your cards right._

_A grin spread across your face._

_### ####_

_The house was decrepit, and smelled of drugs. You knew it was a good place to start, and immediately set up residence on the couch. You were going to have to wait a while; it was doubtful any of them would show up yet because their scout had only just taken off and he'd gone down the middle of the street, meaning the main heads of this group clearly didn't occupy any other spaces around this lane. You put your feet up and began to wait for them to appear._

"_Hey, man, this is our pad. What're ya doing here?"_

_You look up, smelling the aura of smoke. Was that weed? You could use some of that. Smoke curled from one of the guys' nostrils and you inhaled, trying to get some of the scent into your body. It didn't work in the slightest, but you figured you could work this one out with a little bit of effort. Stoners surely weren't that unfriendly. You let a lazy smirk onto your face and pat the moth-eaten couch next to you in a 'sit' gesture. _

"_Come join me, motherfuckers. I was just all up and hopin' to get my party on, ya know?"_

_The men seemed to communicate without words and grinned at each other slowly. _

"_You heard we got the goods, then?"_

"_I'm all up in that business, my man. What have ya got?"_

_One of the men held up a sandwich bag, and you looked over the white powder in it with an appreciative nod. Cocaine was always good for a game. Another held up the weed you'd been able to smell and you grinned back at them as they all sat down. One had a bottle of vodka, and you felt the familiar bubble of excitement stir in your stomach at all the goods you were about to indulge in. Thank god stoners were so motherfucking stupid or you would have actually had to have paid for all this shit. _

_You let out a chuckle._

_### ####_

**-Enough of being the crazy guy. Be Karkat again.**

"Karkat? How are you today?"

You were sitting on the edge of the hard hospital bed, tracing your fingers over your old beat-up laptop without even turning it on. You had asked for it and the hospital had sent someone to retrieve it from your apartment. Although, what was the point of it, now? You tilt your head in the direction of the door, letting a faint frown brush your features as you reply to Jane Crocker- you'd learnt her very suitable name after the first few days, and had offered your own instead of the usual 'Mr Vantas'- in a brisk tone that didn't give away the fact that you were beginning to think of the woman as a friend.

"I'm fucking horrible. As usual."

You could tell she was smiling now, and have to resist the temptation to lift the corners of your own lips. Jane had quickly understood you had a bit of a sharp tongue, but didn't bother with telling you off or any bullshit like that. She just took in it her bakery-woman stride and ignored it. She'd sneaked in a bunch of shit for you, including audio movies (oddly enough, she'd picked up that you liked rom-coms) and headphones so you could listen to the words. You were currently starting Fifty Shades of Grey, and when you had requested it Jane had agreed, with an amused sort of tone to her voice.

You hadn't left the hospital room once. You wanted to, but you needed assistance and Jane was too busy to walk you around, and she was only a volunteer anyway. Her girlfriend, Roxy, was the actual nurse, but she was drunk so often that Jane had to intervene and do most of her work for her. You'd suggested Jane become a nurse herself, but she had replied that she'd rather cook. And her cooking was fucking _amazing. _You lived for the cake you'd been treated to a couple of times.

"I'm not surprised, Karkat."

"What's new?"

"I brought someone with me today."

"What?"

If it had been Roxy, you would have heard her by now. Which meant it was someone new. And the gentle tone Jane was using meant it was someone she liked very much, so it wasn't just a doctor or some shit like that. You edge forward so you're not sitting on the bed, just standing, and turn towards the door. Even though you can't see what's going on you still prefer to look whatever way people are, not to be polite (fuck that shit) but just to feel some kind of normalcy in your pain.

"This is John. He's my brother's son, my nephew."

Ah. A relative, then. You frown lightly.

"Hi! I'm John Egbert, nice to meet you!"

"Karkat."

He sounded about twelve, but you assumed that he must have been fifteen or so, because when his footsteps approached you his voice was above you somewhere. You tilted your head up slightly, still unsure of where exactly this 'John' was. There was a gentle laugh, more of a childish giggle, and your chin was adjusted a bit before the boy let go of you. Good. You were a few seconds away from ripping his intestines out for touching you without permission.

"You were looking at my neck," you were informed. You frowned and folded your arms.

"Fuck off, Egbert."

"I can see you two are going to be friends, then," Jane said from the door. "I have to go save Roxy. Can you watch John for me, Karkat?"

You grumbled an affirmative. Fuck the kid, but you'd help Jane.

"I'm seventeen, Nanna! I don't need babysitting!"

Seventeen? Really? That explained the height, then. But the attitude was still that of a five-year-old. You could see why he might need babysitting. He already felt like a problem, with the noise he was making. He called out the words, but as there was no reply you assumed Jane had already left the room.

Wait.

"Hang on…Nanna? I thought she was your aunt."

"She is!"

"Then why…?"

"Oh, I've always called her that!"

You scowled. This was going to be a long, long day.

"_But now you are slipping away, _

_What have you done now?_

_Why, why does fate make us suffer?_

_There's a curse between us, between me and you."_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N; I can't reach my other ongoing documents, so I have to write other stuff while I'm waiting. Hopefully this isn't too bad. Anyway, onwards with the story, I guess. I felt the need to write something, so…yeah. Author's Note is over and stuff. Last chapter's song was 'What Have You Done' by Within Temptation. If you guess the chapter's song before I publish the next chapter with the answer I might give you a one shot. No cheating!**_

_### ####_

"_She was screaming bloody murder,_

_And I'll never forget-_

_The look in her eyes and the taste of her sweat,_

_Said 'boy you better run away, run away while you can.'"_

**-Unfortunately for you, you're still Karkat Vantas, and you're still blind.**

You weren't any more interested in babysitting the Egbert boy, but apparently he'd taken a liking to you, ignoring your sharp tongue and biting insults. You begrudgingly took his friendship, seen, as it was the only contact from people your own age you actually had. John seemed shocked to learn you were older than him, even if it was only by about half a year. You were now shouldered with this bubbly burden constantly, and John admitted it was because he liked spending time with you. You didn't really understand why. He liked explaining and describing the weather outside to you; and you listened because secretly you felt the need to be able to see something, even if it was through someone else's eyes. John said he wore glasses anyway, and his eyesight wasn't the best.

"Karkitty! Hi!"

"What in the holy _fuck is a Karkitty?"_

"Well, your name's Karkat, so…"

"Ugh. That is the worst, steaming pile of horseshit nickname I've ever heard!"

"I think it's cute! Anyway, the weather outside's really nice today! The sky looks so blue! It's that colour that's almost too blue, y'know? And there's a heap of clouds! It's all summery and perfect!"

"I fucking hate summer."

"I bet you like the warmth from the sun, though!"

"…"

"I was right, wasn't I? Just like a cat!"

"Fuck off, Egbert."

"But I have good news!"

"Oh god. Tell me it's that you're going away for a long time. Preferably forever."

"Nanna asked the people at the hospital, and they said I could 'escort' you outside!"

You pause in your wallowing of self-pity at having to deal with the younger man and your head shoots up, staring in John's direction with what you hope is a disbelieving stare. Your eyes are apparently faded now- which is nice because now you don't have to hide the vibrant red colour of them. John says they look grey to him from a distance, and you can only see the candy red close-up, which is fine by you. You've always hated the mutated colour of your eyes, and it seems like the only good thing that's actually managed to happen from your sudden blindness. _Hooray, _you think dryly from the confines of your mind.

"…Karkat, you're looking at the wall again."

"Fuck where I'm looking! Are you serious?"

"Um…yes…did you not want to?"

You stand up, shooting a glare _up _at the damn idiot. A growl made its' way out of your throat, a warning noise, and John laughed. He still sounded like a little child; and it was slightly disorientating. You scowl even more, still hoping one day you'd be able to scare him off. He doesn't react with any sound, so you assume he's just brushed it off like usual. A hand lands on your arm and you jump about half a mile, your previous anger swept away by a cold shiver of fear. You had become quite the scaredy-cat –probably due to the fact you couldn't _see what was happening- _but John picked up on it somehow, running the hand up to your shoulder to keep the contact. You allowed it, secretly craving some kind of warmth from someone else's body. _Of course you weren't lonely, what kind of a fucking joke is that? _You take in a deep breath to steel yourself for what was to come, and try to meet wherever the hell John's eyes were.

"That's the ceiling."

"Fuck the ceiling! Let's go."

"Okay!"

His hands wrapped around your left arm eagerly, and your nose twitches slightly. He turns you in the direction of where the door is and you pause. _Can you really do this? Can you really go out there without your sight? _You frown slightly, and John's grip tightens. You can feel his warm body against your side, and wonder if that heat is a family trait or if you're just a cold bastard like you think you are. You can smell a faint hint of his deodorant, and luckily it was a decent brand and not something overwhelming and disgusting like most guys these days wore.

_Hell._

_You're gonna go outside if it kills you._

"Let's go, Egbert."

_### ####_

**-Be the crazy guy again.**

…_Where were you? _

_What was going on?_

_Where was _he_?_

_You sat up, not even realising you'd fallen to the ground somewhere along the line, and tried to look around. However, due to the sheer amount of illicit materials you'd consumed, everything around you was a whirling mess of bright lights, much like a carnival. You let out a chuckle; the sound distorting even as it hit your damaged ears and sounding more like a wounded cry. You barely register the sound in your mind before it is swept away again by a torrent of nothingness and you find yourself on the floor again, face pressed into the carpet and getting your smeared white face paint on the beige cloth. You hope it stains, just like the blood soaking into the floorboards a mere few feet away. The air is filled with smoke and death, and the acrid scent of burning flesh. _

_It occurs to you that you should probably get out of this house before it burns to the ground and you manage to somehow make it onto your unsteady feet. The flames crackle, and you can feel the heat from it on your back. You feel a faint temptation to simply lay back and let the flames consume you completely, leaving nothing at all. Maybe then you'd be free from the bonds that weighed you down in this forsaken planet. _

_You don't have time for this._

_Somehow, as if in a dream, you make your way down the creaking stairs and out into the air. It's fresher; although it has a chemical smell the city tends to have, mixed in with the smell of garbage. You make your way down the street, one hand in a pocket to run a few fingers over the unmarred bag of goods. The packaging wasn't even damaged a little bit, although the contents were depleted from when you had received it. You could probably still use it, though. All you really needed was some paper and a lighter, and not even that if you used what was left of your tiny brain. _

_Police sirens break you from your train of thought, and you look up as one white, beaten-up car drives past you with sirens flashing. You feel a hint of annoyance, but you're far enough from the house that you should be able to still make an escape with time to spare. You pick up the pace a little, from a stumble to an odd sort of wonky trot. Anyone that saw you right now would know you were completely and totally baked, but honestly you didn't care what they thought. As long as you could escape you'd be fine. _

_You just had to live long enough to-_

…_To what?_

_An unsettled feeling sunk into your stomach as you tried to think about what your trail of thought had led to. Honestly, you didn't know any more. But something felt wrong. Horribly wrong. You felt your slow grin fade a little, which worried you. What exactly was it you had forgotten, exactly? Questions arose in your hazy mind, questions you didn't really want the answers to. You looked up at the sky, not really absorbing what it looked like, but needing somewhere to space off and ask the questions you wanted to._

_What was it?_

…Who _was it?_

_…Did it matter that much?_

_You stop at a street, looking down the well-lit area. You'd accidentally made your way over here again, when you'd told yourself you weren't going to. Clearly you were so good at lying you could even pull off one to yourself. It is both pathetic and impressive simultaneously, and you shrug, lifting your shoulders lightly. At least you hadn't actually gone back, right? What was wrong was just beyond your reach, so you decided to push it away for now in order to concentrate on leaving this place. Leaving it to find another place to be. You could return now, but something told you the thing you wanted wasn't there just yet. You have to bide your time. _

_You turn away from the street, and make your way to a different part of the city. You had plenty of time to go after some more people, and get 'your motherfuckin' party on,' as you'd so eloquently put it last time around. People were just so gullible these days it was ridiculously easy to do things you were told you couldn't get away with. _

_You were invincible, basically._

_Or maybe just better than everyone else._

_### ####_

**-Be Karkat.**

"So, Karkat, where do you wanna go?"

You could hear the brightness in John's voice, and wondered how he could be so perky all the time. It was horrible. You sigh, shifting your feet on the cold floor. You'd requested to leave your shoes off, as you normally do now, because your feet could find things your poor sight could not. You had at least gotten around to dressing yourself, although John informed you of your habit of putting on your shirt backwards or something to that effect. Therefore, John had declared he would be your dressing assistant, and while you would never let him touch you in any way, you appreciated the jeans and shirts he brought in and his not-so-helpful commentary about your body. You felt humiliated when he sat in the room when you took your shirt (you would _never_ take off your pants in front of him) off, but John didn't particularly seem to care about your scrawny body. For someone who acted so gay, you were a little surprised.

"Outside."

The answer you gave was abrupt, because you knew exactly where you wanted to go. You yearned for the sunlight like a nun yearned for a church, or some shit like that. Point was, you really wanted to be outside. You didn't really know how long you'd been stuck in this damn hospital, but it had been far too long, and you'd had enough of it. Your major injuries had healed mostly, and while you still had a few cracked ribs they were working on.

"Sure thing! The hospital has a really nice garden, too!"

John's hand was soft but still firm, directing you around obstacles in your way whilst explaining what they looked like. But he never once let go of you in your journey, not even to ask for directions to the entrance to the garden. He got you lost at one point; and you were taken to the reception, your face draining blood as a small trail of apprehension slid down your spine. You could hear footsteps echoing all around you, unknown, frightening, and you shrunk away from it all, your fingers gripping the edge of John's hoodie in a death grip. It was truly and certainly _terrifying, _having absolutely no idea what was going on around you except for people yelling and sirens wailing and pure unadulterated _chaos _that was the world.

A hand brushed the top of your head, gently caressing your messy locks, effectively halting your inward freak-out. You still, raising your head, feeling a questioning expression cross your face. The hand shifts down to the side of your face, cupping it. You register the hand as warm and soft and it occurs to you that this must be John's hand. Well, his other hand. The first one, his right, was still wrapped around your left arm, anchoring you there.

"Hey," a soft voice said. "It's okay, I've got you."

And amazingly, just like that, all your worry dissipates. You'd never admit to it, of course, but it settled your churning stomach just knowing that he was there for you, and that he'd be looking after you. It was something that left you fighting emotions you didn't reveal to anyone, ever.

"Let's just go outside already, fuckass," you grumble back at him, not revealing an inch of your gratitude.

"Yes sir!"

You are turned around in nearly a full circle, making you lose what tiny sense of direction you had left. The corners of your mouth tug down more and you hit John's arm, although not very hard, judging by his amused reaction and the laugh that reaches your ears. What a dickhead he was at times. Pompous asshole.

You were paused a few more times, stopping when John did, mostly so the younger boy could check out the handy maps littered around the corridors of the hospital. Finally he tapped the side of your face lightly, earning himself a flinch as you glare in his direction. He giggled at your reaction- _honestly, why did he sound like a child when he did that? - _ And did it again.

"You're looking past my ear, Karkat."

You bat his hand away, your scowl growing deeper as you shift on your feet, feeling like a kid waiting for ice cream. This was taking far too long. It had taken _freaking four pages to get here! _You hit him in the chest lightly for good measure, not missing your target and letting a pleased air surround you as John coughed. When you felt him straighten his back you became annoyed again, but only until he started to speak again.

"We're here. I just need to swipe Roxy's key card and we can get in, okay?"

You nod tightly and get the feeling John's beaming at you. You can't see it with your eyes, but somehow the effect a smile gives off still managed to reach you. A beep makes you lift your head to the direction it'd came from, and John's hand tightens on your thin, bony arm slightly. Your ears pick up the sound of something scraping, and you realise it must be the door to the hospital garden. A sparkling anticipation grips you as you take in a deep breath, tasting the warm air. It was sweet, but not an artificial kind, more like the fresh scent of flowers and rain.

"Is it raining?"

John seems a little puzzled when he deems to reply to your question, although you knew it was raining…or was going to, anyway. "No…but there's a bunch of grey clouds over there. It might start raining while we're out here!"

"I can't see where you're pointing, you dipshit." You resist the temptation to hit the dim-witted boy again. And again. Maybe a bit of brain damage would do him some good.

"Uh…left! Yeah, left!"

Aha, so that _had_ been rain you'd smelt. You hope you don't end up turning into some kind of blind bloodhound. That'd be fucking weird as hell. You don't bother turning your head left, because knowing you; you'd probably end up looking right or something. Your directions hadn't been the best before the accident and this hadn't made it any better than it had been. Instead, you blink in the direction of John and take a tentative step forward. John lets go of the grip on your arm and you suddenly feel unsteady, but you're determined to do this. You needed to do this.

"Describe it, fuckass."

"You don't have to be so mean, y'know!"

"…"

"It's just plain and grassy where you're standing, and it's like that for a big rectangle around you. It's so green! It reminds me of my cousin's eyes, y'know? Jade has these big, bright green eyes, and they're so pretty!"

"…"

"Ah! Um, there's a stone path about ten feet away, straight ahead. It looks really rocky, though, and I don't want you to fall over! But right next to the path there's a pretty old bench. It's nice!"

Good enough. That would be your new goal, then. You take a tentative step forward, not taking your bare foot from the soft texture of the grass. Once you're feeling settled on your feet again, you take another small step. To tell the truth, you hadn't even attempted going anywhere by yourself, not even to the bathroom.

Another step.

One more.

"How far away from it am I?"

"…It's to the left of you, about five steps away."

You take the next step more confidently, a wave of determination crashing over you. You could do this. You were a strong-willed (some called it stubborn, but that was bullshit) individual and you weren't going to let a little thing like the loss of one of your senses stop you from living your life, dammit. You took another step.

Three…

Two….

_One…_

"_Fuck!" _

"Oh my god, Karkat, are you okay?! I didn't expect you to trip over the seat like that!"

You sit up, brushing the dirt and grit away from your mouth. Defeat was bitter, but you hadn't lost yet. The battle had only just begun. All you had to do was get up and try again, and if you failed, to try another time. You couldn't be brought down by something as small and insignificant as this. All you had to do was stand up, and grasp your independence by the throat.

"Want a hand, Karkitty?"

"Get over here and help me, fuckass."

…Maybe later.

"_Cause you can't control yourself,_

_So whoa-oa, _

_This is where you go-oh-oh,_

_Cause you find me bound and chained in another's arms."_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N; I feel so ridiculously entertained by the whole 'Karkat, that's the wall.' 'Karkat, that's my chin.' 'Karkat, that's my di- whoops. **__**Whistles awkwardly to change subject* **__**So, anyway, last chapter's song was 'In Our Final Hour' by Go Radio. They're pretty unpopular for such a cool band, and they only broke up last year…on my birthday…**_

_****Sobs****_

_### ####_

"_And each day we are torn,_

_Between the right and the wrong, _

_Between life and convenience,_

_Why do we sleep? Why complain?"_

**-Be Karkat. **

"I think you should get a walking stick, Karkat."

"Fuck off."

"No, seriously, it might help! You won't keep walking into things!"

You rub your bruised and aching nose, scowling in John's direction (hopefully in the fuckasses' direction, anyway). He had taken you on yet another long and winding trip around the hospital at your –demand- request, but you were questioning why you'd thought it was such a great fucking idea. While the determination to become independent still stood in your mind, you were sick and tired of running into shit. The only headway you'd made was now you could take a piss by yourself. And even that was usually a royal fucking pain in the ass, seen as your aim was slightly off still. With a bit of direction by a male nurse, however, you had a fairly good idea were the godforsaken thing was now.

"It's called a _cane_, you oblivious shit-eating fuckhead."

John ignored your tone- yet again proving the 'oblivious' part of your barbed correction- as you bumped into a nearby vending machine, not hearing the mechanic hum until it was too late, stumbling backwards a few steps. Hands went on your hips, the warmth from them seeping through the thin fabric of your skinny jeans. You leaned back slightly, grimacing at where you guessed he and his dipshit brain was. Thankfully, this time you were correct in your assumption and his chin landed on your head, although not painfully. You'd come to realise the Egbert boy was really, _really _into touching and hugging and all that, and that it was better to just let him have his way every now and then. Anyway, you'd come to secretly enjoy it a little.

"Please? You're going to be discharged from the hospital soon, and you need to be able to look after yourself!"

"Fuck off, Egbert."

"Don't be mean!"

You could almost feel the pout from him, and for the first time in what seemed like eternity you were _glad _you were blind, simply because it meant you were resistant to those damn puppy eyes you could sense. Not resistant enough though, you thought dimly as your hands covered his, still resting on your bony hips. You had no idea why this was so damn _gay, _but it truly was. Not that it bothered you- you _were _fucking homosexual, after all. At least, you thought you were. But who really cares about sexuality in a place and time like this?

Not you.

As fucking gay as you were.

_### ####_

"So…um, Karkat?"

You didn't even try to look at John, too enraptured with the warmth radiating from the hospital room's window. Even if you couldn't curl up in the sun with a book and just let the day go by, there were other ways around these types of things, and feeling up _the fucking window _seemed to be one of them. Your cold fingers were splayed across the unmarred glass, the heat not overriding the chill stuck to your skin. You'd always had rather cold hands; and you sometimes supposed it was to match the icy surface of your heart. That wasn't altogether true, though. 'Embarrassingly human at times' was a very apt description for your dismal existence.

"Karkat?"

You huff, realising with one of your trademark scowls that Egbert was not going to leave you alone until he had gotten whatever was on that chest off. Damn pain in the ass, that boy was, which wasn't even in the good (read: gay) way. A quick swivel of your hips turned you away from the sunshine you couldn't see, and you folded your arms, feeling even more pissed off than before. Couldn't he see you and the sun were having a romantic moment and you needed to be left alone with it?!

"What, Egbert?"

"How…how did you get blind?"

Time seemed to freeze in that split second, and a cold breeze floated over your whole body like that time you went out in the snow in your underwear after drinking that vodka. Sound crackled and went dead as silence filled the air, a silence that was heavy with anticipation. You cleared your suddenly dry throat and tried to formulate a reply.

"W-why the fuck does it matter?"

"I was just curious!"

You fell silent again, a whirlwind of thoughts trapping your consciousness and ripping your rational ideas and reasoning away in a millisecond that felt almost like a lifetime. With some difficulty, you moved your suddenly weary legs to the edge of the hard, cold hospital bed and sat down, your hand brushing something. Your fingers closed around the hem of John's hoodie, much like the other days he had visited and you had clung to him because like Jane, he felt like reality in a desert of non-existence and you needed it to keep yourself anchored to the ground. A breath escaped you, and with it you let yourself speak once more.

"…Okay. If you really fucking need to know that much that you're just going to continue pestering me like a useless nooksucker hooked on crack and other people's life stories then I suppose I can waste what little time I have left on this useless planet to inform you of _how I got blind, _because that's the best way you could explain it! You're not only fucking oblivious, but clearly insensitive as well! Just because I'm an asshole doesn't mean I don't have feelings and all that shebang because I most _certainly-"_

"Karkat!"

You paused to take a breath and glared sharply in John's direction as delicate, unmarked fingers linked with your own and halted your rant immediately. How did someone who was fucking _seventeen _have hands that felt like they belonged to a goddamn newborn child?!

"Karkat."

His voice, soft but cheery, broke you from your admittedly stupid thoughts about its' speaker's hands.

"Can you just tell me without yelling or swearing too much? It's hard to concentrate when you keep saying all these bad words and you already speak too fast for me anyway!"

"…Fine."

With a heavy sigh filled with apprehension, you decided at that moment you certainly weren't telling the boy the whole fucked-up tale of your life. You weren't up to that, and if John went off and told anyone, you could be turned even more upside-down than you were at this point in time. So, you could certainly twist the truth a little, and that would work. For now, at least, it would be fine to just fudge up the details a little, as your old friends would have said.

And so you began to explain how you were caught up in the homicide ring that had been going around on the news. John had heard of it, of course (everyone within the damn state had) but you had shooshed him before you had continued the story. While you had been putting up with a few of your friends from high school because they had come to pester you in real life instead of talking on the Internet, an intruder had attacked you all. When you had awoken you had the misfortune to be the last one left alive, due to the murderer apparently assuming you were dead or something to that degree, when in fact you were simply unconscious and about three quarters dead. You had managed to call emergency services and give your address before blacking out, and that was when you'd ended up where you were. Damage to your brain had apparently shorted out the sight receptors in that think-pan of yours, or something to that idea, you'd been told. You hadn't spoken to any of the police or detectives that had passed by, simply telling the hospital staff you certainly didn't want them annoying you when you were trying to_ fucking recover,_ and Roxy and her friends had been only too happy to tell them to shove off.

And that was then you had met Egbert's soft, annoyingly oblivious ass.

"…Wow, Karkat."

His voice was subdued, not shocked like you'd expected after blurting out that you'd been the sole survivor of a mass homicide. Before you could react, still feeling nauseous from the thought of what you still blearily remembered of that nightmarish day, you were enveloped in a warm hug. It was different than before to you, however. You couldn't put your finger on it, but there was something different to it, some underlying emotions when you inhaled the scent of the younger boy, feeling yourself relax into his grip slightly. Although it didn't particularly smell like anything, it was a mix of things that just created something that was oddly comforting. Hands slid up your back, rubbing softly, and you buried your achingly cold face in soft skin, the burning of your tears dripping from your cheeks onto cushiony fabric. He sat there, whispering comforting little streams of nonsense to you, holding you tightly as you pretended valiantly like you weren't crying your sightless ass out.

_### ####_

**-While Karkat's busy, let's be the insane guy again.**

_He was haunting your motherfuckin' dreams now. _

_That boy. _

_You couldn't even bear to call him a man, because there were so many feelings trapped within your chest that it made it hard to breathe and you could feel them, the tiny flickers of recollection and those tiny memories that popped up at the most inopportune moments possible. And those shards brought with them emotions, the most awful, heart-wrenching emotions you couldn't even bear to try to remember. There was a burning pain in your chest now, and it had nothing at all to do with the numerous wounds on your skinny, malnourished body. True, you had quite extensive injuries that might have seemed severe to people who specified in the medical area, but to you they simply meant nothing. Blood was simply a liquid that tasted strongly metallic and had a colour that sparked something in your drained brain. You tried to reach for it, but as soon as you made that effort the tiny effort you put into it seemed to push it further out of your grasp. What was worse was the disturbed feeling that it was something important, something invaluable that you were never going to have, and that…that brought another emotion with it._

_Anger._

_You could feel it, a boiling anger, bubbling from the pain in your chest. The poison of it spread at an unmeasurable pace, clouding your thoughts so much more than any drug or alcoholic drink could. In fact, you'd welcome more of that precious marijuana, just in the tiny, faint hope it might obliterate that hate filtering into your feverish mind. It just never, ever went away, no matter how much you begged or screamed, making effort to try and get redemption as if that would help your worthless cause at this point. _

_With a start you realised you were back at that building. That one structure you never thought you'd lay your tired, burning eyes upon again. It was covered in that horrifyingly bright police tape, with 'caution' written on it as to keep away any people who might decide to ransack the area, and it looked like a few people had been evacuated, likely the ones closest to the apartment that was sectioned off. Although it was doubtful, that was possible, being that area of town where only old ladies and broke college students lived- and criminals never bothered with because it wasn't worth their time. It was rather odd, how you couldn't quite recall why this particular residence held so many hidden memories for you. The balcony of one apartment caught your eye, and you felt a shift in your stomach as a flicker of recognition hit you, making you still._

_There were only two policemen actually at the scene, and it looked like they were simply there to guard the place and keep a look out for something. One, an older man, with dark midnight-coloured hair and a serious, worn expression that looked as if it were permanently plastered onto his gaunt, clean-shaven face. He seemed rather annoyed at the other recruit, a much younger man with a sour look on his face and a purple stain in the part of his hair, likely a trainee. They both looked rather irritated, and you idly wondered if they were related. Perhaps he was on work experience, or something of the like. Whatever it was, they certainly weren't paying much attention to their job, or they would have noticed you climbing in through the balcony window and disappearing into the sectioned-off rooms._

_### ####_

_It wasn't decrepit at all, a little messy, but that was all. You didn't make a move to go near the main living area or the kitchen; the dropping feeling in your stomach supplying the feeling that something was there that you weren't ready to see. Deciding your brain knew what was up with this situation, you instead opened the balcony door and made your way from the short hallway into another room, the layout of the place sharp and painfully familiar, like every corner was a blade sinking into your soft, easily mauled skin. Without thinking you raised a hand to your face, feeling the slight sting from the wound your cheeks had suffered. It burned, but in an oddly pleasant way, and with it came a feeling of satisfaction, although you couldn't quite remember what had brought you to this particular feeling of accomplishment._

_You wondered what exactly making your way to this bedroom had served. There was familiar warmth in the air, and your eyes fixed on the black fluffy comforter that looked like it had been tossed onto the bed. Maybe its' owner had been watching movies, probably a sappy romcom that he loved secretly even though he insisted it was for some other purpose, and then after the movie had finished that nameless boy had fallen asleep on his best friend, who didn't mind watching his silly little shows with him. _

_The best friend, not wanting the boy to get a cramp or somethin' stupid like that, would probably have to pick him up, along with the comforter, and take him to bed. Maybe the sleeping boy would be a bit more cuddly than usual once he was sleepy, and had insisted on the best friend sleeping with him. And once the friend had complied, maybe he would wrap his arms around him, mutter something barely inaudible into his friend's chest And maybe the friend was a little high, and he could have almost sworn on his last, fading breath that that boy whose name had been lost to the flow of time and memories, that the near-impossible had happened, that those words had escaped those soft, untouchable lips. _

"_I love you."_

"_Karbro, don't let go," you spoke without thinking, a desperate tone to your voice as it cracked from disuse. Your knees hit the floorboards with a muffled thump, and you rested your aching face and head on the comforter, not caring if some of your makeup had spread onto it. From where your half-closed violet eyes were looking, you could see similar whitish-grey marks all over the soft material, and a lazy smile crossed your face._

_Maybe the friend had gotten in trouble for leaving his damn makeup on when he decided to climb into bed once or twice. God himself knew, perhaps even a whole lot of times; too many to even attempt to keep track of. But the makeup was part of the person, or maybe the friend had thought this as he made half-assed attempts to defend himself, even though he knew the whole complaint thing was an act and secretly the boy was just relieved he hadn't been left alone to dwell in his feelings and self-loathing. That boy._

_That boy._

_That boy._

_### ####_

**-Be Karkat again.**

Some unknowing fucking nurse had left the damn news on the fucking television again, and you felt your teeth grit in both anger and anxiety as those horrible, damning words reached your ears.

"The multiple homicide of Sollux Captor, Equius Zahhak, Vriska Serket, Nepeta Leijon and Tavros Nitram is still under research by the local police department. All the victims were said to have been murdered in a different way despite being at the same location and being murdered at the same time, and there is apparently one survivor of this tragedy, a young man whose identity and location has not been revealed to the public for both safety and privacy reasons."

The rest of the newsreader's story faded from your hearing as you closed your eyes. Why you bothered to pretend like you could see even though it was blatantly obvious you couldn't was beyond you right now. A few pathetic little tears leaked past your lids, making you bite your lip harder than you should have. The taste of copper filled your mouth, tainting it. Drips of the liquid, no longer red to you, made a slow track down your chin, dropping onto your chilled hands.

No one was here to help you tonight. Visiting hours had gone past and even though John normally could get away with ignoring the time he had mentioned something about having business today and had left. It was completely silent in your room, not even the beeps from other rooms reached your numb body. It was the first time you'd been left alone with your thoughts for an extended period of time, and it had clearly been a fucking terrible idea. It was almost as if someone was reaching into your already weak mind and ripping it apart slowly, one little shred by one little shred. It was almost physically painful, and a sinking feeling told you that you'd forgotten to mention the medication you had taken before you'd been admitted. It occurred to you that you should probably have mentioned them to someone. Maybe you'd tell Jane about it later, and she could ask someone to go and pick them up for you.

You let out a huff. Relying on people really wasn't your thing; but it looked like you might need to.

…you really wanted John to come back.

"_We don't sleep, very much,_

_These triggers ache for the touch,_

_Where's the strength, _

_We relied on?"_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N; so I started up a YouTube channel! I'll attempt any kind of things you guys ask within reason, so please check it out! If my fics get popular I'll do a reading of them, and if you guys have any fics that aren't mine you want me to read I'll do them too, just ask! Last chapter's song was Elective Amnesia by Rise Against, a personal favourite of mine! **_

_### ####_

"_I was swimming in the Caribbean,_

_Animals were hiding behind the rocks,_

_Except the little fish,_

_But they told me he swears,_

_Tryin' to talk to me, coy koi,"_

**-Be John Egbert.**

Your name is John Egbert, and gosh do you like Karkat Vantas! Almost as much as you like terrible movies (or other people think they're terrible) and pranking people! Those movies were great, especially Con Air! Nicolas Cage is your idol and you would totally marry him if you ever had that chance. But wait, you were talking about Karkat. You never would have thought that someone could have so much _life _in them, but _he_ did! At first you were a little worried when you saw the older boy, with that mess of hair and those dark circles under his eyes, which had an oddly haunted look in them half of the time. You had assumed he was simply a hurt child, much like the others your aunt had taken you to see. You hadn't assumed that small smirk on her face had meant anything important, but you were most definitely wrong on that angle at least. There was so much emotion when he spoke, so much power when he shifted around! You don't think you could ever get tired of watching him rage at people, even if the person he was raging at happened to be you. You just really, really liked Karkat.

But that didn't mean you weren't worried about him.

"Hey nanna, isn't Karkitty due to get out of the hospital tomorrow?"

Jane sighed in the driver's seat of the car as they stopped at yet another intersection. Roxy was passed out in the backseat, snoring impossibly loud. You wondered if the people driving alongside your car could hear the racket coming from her mouth. Not that she was any quieter when she was awake, however.

"Yes, John, he is."

"Does he have somewhere to stay?"

Jane glanced at you out of the corner of one bright, almost insanely light blue eye, a tiny frown crossing her lips. "What do you mean?"

"Well, all his friends were…um…"

You had to fill her in on what exactly your grumpy friend had been suffering through, and by the end of it you were even more distressed than previously. There was a short, pregnant silence for a few minutes as the woman paused, trying to process what had actually occurred here. You knew she had heard in passing of the homicide on the news, but obviously she hadn't connected it to Karkat in the slightest.

"Oh…I understand why you want to look after him," came the subdued comment.

"Um…do you think…maybe…he could stay with us? Just for a little while?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea. He is an adult, you know."

"What?"

"I mean, he might not want to stay with us, did you think of that?"

You stopped in the middle of opening your mouth to retort. How was that even possible?! Didn't want to…? But you and Karkat were friends now, and you had to look out for him! There was no way he could possibly manage out in the world with the state of his vision and his clumsy lack of balance. And with that fiery attitude he had…well, he probably wouldn't last very long at all out there. You could just picture it in your head, an angry Karkat running into things, and yelling at people that weren't there…and falling down things…and hurting himself…and not being able to get help even after all that…

And with that last thought and a sinking feeling in the bottom of your stomach, your mind was completely and totally made up. The negotiating was over. You couldn't just sit by and watch him get hurt, what kind of friend would that make you? You'd have to look after him, nurse him back to full health! You turned your head back to Jane, determination sparking in your eyes.

"He's staying with me."

"I'm glad."

That was when you saw the sheen to her eyes and realised that Jane had been holding back her tears valiantly through the whole tragedy of Karkat's recent life. As she parked in the hospital car park and Roxy let out a particularly loud snore, you unbuckled your seatbelt and reached across to wrap her in your firm grip. She returned the hug strongly and the two of you clung to each other for a few minutes, getting a better hold of your emotions before Jane got out of the car to awaken the blonde in the backseat. Unfortunately for your aunt, Roxy simply batted the hands away and continued to sleep away. How could someone snore so loud without waking themselves up in the process? Jane let out a huff and tapped her face a few more times, valiantly making an effort. It was a miracle that Roxy was still employed at the hospital, but you supposed it was because of your aunt. She was probably important to the place, seen as she seemed to do all the work there despite being a volunteer.

"I'm going to go see Karkat. I'll catch up with you later, 'kay?"

Jane gave you the thumbs-up –or at least she tried, seen as Roxy had attached herself to your aunt's arms and was pulling her back into the car to use as a blanket or something of the like. And it looked like she was winning the fight, even though she was a lot thinner than Jane and still asleep during the ordeal. You laughed and returned the gesture before jogging over to the hospital's entrance to go and find your grumpy friend, and maybe save him from himself along the way.

_### ####_

**-Be the memory of that creepy guy.**

_That boy was getting beaten up again. _

_You'd seen it happen before, because the guys who liked to attack him tended to do it where you were at the back of the school, trying to up and have a motherfuckin' nap. It was always around here, where none of the teachers lurked, that they lured the thin boy with the mess of dark hair back here to hurt him. Funnily enough, he never seemed to be negatively affected by the constant bullying, but neither was he enjoying it. They'd kick him to the ground, and then when he didn't get up, they'd just up and leave him there in the dirt. He'd stay there for a while, trying to recover, and then he'd simply get up again, not brushing off the dirt, and walk back to whatever class he had. You didn't really get why he did it; you'd be killing those motherfuckers for trying to damage you. But he didn't really seem to care; it was odd._

_Yet again, you observed as he was punched, seeing the red of his blood as he spat it aside. A boot sunk into his side and you heard a thump as his body hit the ground. Unlike the other times, the people surrounding him simply cackled at him and continued their torture, and you wondered why the boy wasn't crying out at all. Surely that constant pain was hurting him, and it wasn't like they had soft shoes. Quite the opposite; you could see the dark boots from here. They could even have been steel-capped; you weren't too sure. You looked on with one half-open eye from where you were laying, hearing the jeers and cackles from the boys. It continued on until the shrill noise of the bell signifying the end of the lunch period sounded, and they made their departure. Their loud footsteps receded into the distance, and the boy remained on the gravel, his small body limp. _

_You opened your eyes fully to stare._

_He wasn't getting up this time. _

_It was so unlike this boy you'd never actually spoken to; to simply not raise his head and get up like he usually did. Where were those disgruntled murmurs you usually heard coming from his mouth? Dust covered his frail-looking body over his shirt, and you felt something odd shift in your stomach and without thinking, you stood and made your way over to him. Now you could see him properly, you were pleasantly surprised at how pretty the boy was. He was oddly delicate, even lying motionless as he was, and you were tempted to touch that face. Look at it, so baby soft…like a miracle…_

"_What in the _ever-loving fuck _are you doing to my face_, _fuckass_?!"

"_It's motherfuckin' miracles, bro. Have you felt this shit?"_

"_Why the fuck would I have felt my own face?!"_

_You continued stroking the boy's face lightly, a silly grin spreading across your face. Seriously, this was the most amazing thing ever. Someone could sell this shit. A scowl reached the other boy's lips, and finally the irritated expression brought forth the opening of his eyes. He squinted at you for a few moments, the harsh sunlight irritating his eyes, and then he opened them fully and you immediately stopped in your tracks. They were motherfucking _red. _Not a weak brown colour, but full-on, sharp, candy red. It stood out magnificently from the dark shadows under his eyes and the bruises on his face._

"_They're red," you mumbled._

_He rolled those beautiful red eyes at you, scowling. "And yours are purple. Shut the fuck up, idiot."_

_You chuckled at him, not paying the slightest bit of attention to his seemingly fearful attitude. "I'm Gamzee, bro. What's your name?"_

"_Did you not hear what I just said?" He muttered to himself, continuing on for a few seconds, probably grumbling. If you were anyone else you'd probably be bothered by the sheer amount of curse words exploding from those delicate pink lips, but you just grinned at him until he stopped to catch his breath. He seemed to finally understand you weren't really going anywhere until your friendliness was reciprocated, and he let out a sigh, wincing as some ache on his body twinged. _

"_Karkat."_

"_Well, Karbro, you look like you might all up and need a hand there."_

"_I'm fine!"_

_You shrugged at the adamant reply, standing up- but taking the small boy and slinging him over your shoulder as you did- and glancing around. No one seemed to be around; after all, it was about ten minutes into the class. You didn't really remember what you were supposed to be attending anyway. Did it matter? You began to walk, ignoring the fists landing on your spine. They didn't hurt at all, and eventually he'd give up on the idea that they could. You were lanky, sure, but your height made up for it, and he was so small there was about a zero chance of him all up and hurtin' you, so why even think about it? _

"_Where the fuck are we going?"_

"_We're gonna go get you all patched up, don't worry about it, Karbro."_

"…_Fine."_

_You grinned, even though he couldn't see it, and continued making your way down the road. He was just slumped across you now, not even keeping himself balanced. That was your job apparently, as he nearly slid off and you kept an arm around the inside of his knees. How could someone be so small? _

_### ####_

_After you'd patched him up, he'd simply stayed huddled on your beaten-up couch. Bandages were visible, and you'd taken off his shirt, ignoring his refusals, and he hadn't bothered to go find it. You were kind of glad- to be honest, you'd forgotten where you'd put it anyway. It was somewhere. Somewhere being the key word in that sentence. _

"_Alright there, bro?"_

"…"

_You tilted your head to the side slightly, sitting beside him and crossing your legs loosely. His own limbs were curled up on the violet fabric of the couch, and he looked like a small messy ball of bandages and dark hair. It was…cute. Eventually he raised his head, those miraculous red eyes boring into you with an intensity you were unused to. You were entranced by all the emotion dragging through those depths, so much expression in them. _

"_Why did you help me?"_

_You grinned. "I wanted to."_

"_That's not a fucking answer, you nooksucking imbecile!"_

_That began yet another of his rants, and you decided you needed a way to make him quiet. Halfway through another stream of incomprehensible blather with curses mixed in, you leaned over and planted your lips on his. Funnily enough, he shut up immediately, and you drew away, grinning again. He tasted like cherry, and it reminded you of his eyes. _

"_Wh…what…"_

"_Instant motherfuckin' silence. Miracles."_

_He hit you weakly with an arm, but you could see the edges of his lips curling up into some semblance of a smile. Damn cute boy._

_### ####_

**-Go back to being Karkat.**

"…Tell me about your friends?"

You let out a sigh, staring up at where the ceiling was. John was lying on the bed with you, and you were talking about whatever crossed your mind. The sheets were cold compared to the other boy's warm hand wrapped in your own. After confessing your background story whilst simultaneous crying your heart out on him, you'd expected him to leave and never come back. But, sure enough, on the dot he had appeared in the doorway, proudly presenting a can of Dr Pepper into your hands. You'd nearly lost it from relief; even if the damn soda tasted like someone had shat in it a few times and then fermented it, it represented the outside world and it wasn't a glass of water or milk. You'd take it any day.

You closed your eyes again, seeing no purpose in keeping them open as you replied to John's question, your voice strong as you travelled down those particular memories.

"Nepeta was the most excitable piece of shit you could ever meet. She was always wearing this stupid blue cat hat…and a tail to go with it. Her hair was always this complete mess, and she looked a hell of a lot younger than the rest of us, probably because she was shorter than me. It was the stupidest fucking thing I'd ever seen, but in a way, it was charming, y'know? For some reason she loved setting people up with one another, and somehow she became the reason most people started dating in our friends circle.

She lived with Equius, who was her best friend and had some crazy obsession with horse dick. He and I didn't really like each other, mostly because he was big on the 'hierarchy' even though Nepeta was lower class along with the rest of us. For some reason he really liked drinking milk and watching horse porn. That's the one thing that sticks in my head when I think of him. He was kind of Legolas-looking, I think, except with these dumb fucking sunglasses that were all cracked and shit from his failed attempts at archery.

Vriska was a bitch. No, she was _the _bitch. She always had an ulterior motive, and she hurt a lot of people. She was fucking insane, basically. I don't even know why I hung out with her, to be honest. She just kind of appeared, even though she was really, really unwanted. Funny thing was, all these guys were just falling at her feet all the damn time. She wasn't even that hot, but somehow she still managed it, y'know? She was one of those people. But all the girls fucking hated her. She also had this creepy obsession with spiders, which was fucking creepy as hell.

Tavros was one of those poor dumb shitheads who got caught in Vriska's web of manipulation. Would you believe she pushed him down a shitload of flights of stairs and made him paralysed? He spent ages in a wheelchair, and then she would push him off of stairs and things even in the damn wheelchair. He was so goddamn gullible it wasn't funny, but he meant well, I guess. Didn't make him any less stupid, sure, but he was also pretty bad with his self-confidence. He got scared all the time, even if he kept his head up and pretended like he was strong. He even had a fucking imaginary friend, like what even? He had an obsession with fairy tales, which suited him perfectly. What didn't suit him was that damn Mohawk he had. I never did find out what was up with that shit.

And Sollux…

Sollux was the biggest fucking weirdo. Even weirder than the rest of them, would you believe. He wore these dumbass 3D glasses, despite the fact he couldn't even fucking see with them on. His mom was apparently Japanese or some shit, so people kept trying to speak all these Asian languages to him and he didn't understand a word besides 'lisp' and computer code. That damn lisp was the most fucking annoying thing on the universe, but the coding wasn't. It was his one passion. I tried to help him out with the damn thing once, but I gave up after a while. But he was good at it, unlike me. He was my damn best friend, even if his girlfriend was a creep obsessed with dead people. He spent more time with me than with her anyway.

Yeah. So…basically they were a bunch of fucking freaks, with me at the centre."

John giggled and pulled you closer, where your head landed awkwardly on his chest. The sound of his heart beating steadily broke you from your miserable thoughts, and you wondered why it was so damn loud. A hand was stroking your back lightly, and although you wanted to push him away, he was also majorly comforting and you didn't want him to let go. Like ever.

"Karkat, when you get out of hospital, do you want to stay with me and Jane?"

"…Why the fuck not."

"Yay!"

He pulled you closer, and you refrained from lifting your head from the soft, nice-smelling cloth of his shirt. If you did, you'd just be revealing the hot blush you could feel on your face anyway, so why bother?

"You better have asked your aunt first, you damn idiot," you mumbled.

"_Way out, in the water,_

_See it swimming,_

_Where is my mind?" _


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Boring author's note is boring. Why do I even bother with these things? Anyway, thanks to the three followers I can see, and all the others I can't; you guys are great! And did I see a review there? ***__**Wink**__*** Last chapter's song was Where Is My Mind, by Placebo, but I was listening to the Sucker Punch version.**_

_### ####_

"_Summer and gold throw their colours at the dark,  
A mother tells her son, "Darling look at the sparks."  
But you hold my attention without even trying,  
A beautiful reflection from firework eyes,"_

**-Be a very annoyed 'Mr Vantas.'**

"Well, Mr Vantas, I've seen you travelling around the hospital with one of our volunteer's boys, and you seem to be taking your disability quite well."

You snort under your breath. What a fucking joke. But the doctor continues on, assumingly from the desk you brushed with your knee as you sat down on the uncomfortably plastic chair. John was waiting outside for you, and you were almost tempted to tell the doctor you wanted the boy in here with you, as a source of comfort. But you weren't a little, pathetic five year old any more; and you could most certainly take care of yourself. Or you'd try anyway; being blind did halt the independence a little more than was necessary.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't return to living alone- you did say you lived alone before the…accident, correct?"

You nod shortly.

"I see. Have you any arrangements for the time being?"

You clear your throat and then speak in short sentences. "Yes. I'm staying with Jane Crocker."

"She's one of the volunteers here, correct? Doesn't she live with Miss Lalonde, one of our respected nurses?"

_Respected nurse?! Jesus, what kind of an operation were they running here? _You stifled the second derisive snort of the day rising up from your body and nodded once more, deciding it was the best route of answer. You shifted in the seat, trying to lessen some of the moderate discomfort brought forth from a combination of the throne of Satan and the scratchy hospital shirts they seemed to think men enjoyed wearing for some ungodly reason. This was just a damn disgrace. You shifted again, almost saddened that you couldn't visibly roll your eyes at the man. Oh well. Maybe you'd be able to do it anyway? Just…not to the effect you were hoping for.

Oh, why fucking bother.

"Apparently."

"Well, I know Miss Crocker is quite the responsible young woman, so I'm quite reassured you will be fine."

You go back to nodding. When would the man be done with his insistent (and frankly, quite annoying) questions? You were bored, and tired, and completely over it. It was disconcerting, realising you didn't even have a home to return to; what with the police still patrolling around. You weren't going to go home to that. It just wasn't worth the time of day to fuck around with shit like that. They'd apparently deigned you didn't need to be under house arrest, and pretty much just let the doctor record where you were going and stuff. The man would probably send off the report to the cops; but whatever. As long as they didn't come and try to bother you again; who the fuck cared?

"So…how are you faring with your recent disability?"

You heard him shift around and scowled harder, wishing you were able to glare at him. Well, you could always glare in his _direction _but it wasn't the same, and…truth be told, it was kind of, well, sucky. You nodded again, wondering if your aching neck would snap if you kept up with this bullshit.

"I'm alive," you replied shortly.

"So you are."

There was another short moment of pregnant silence as the doctor seemed to wait for some elaboration from you, and you waited for him to lose interest with his queries and finish up with the interview. There was a creak and footsteps echoed in your ears, vibrations from the man's footsteps reverberating through the floor to your own sneaker-covered feet. A heavy hand landed on your shoulder, making your body flinch. Hard. It's hard to explain what it feels like when this type of thing happens to a blind person, the sensation much like watching a jump scare in a Cryaotic video- except about five times more sudden and more terrifying. It drove in the thought that the unknown is something to be feared, more than anything else.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright, son?"

_Son? _ You let out the breath you'd been holding in a short puff, your chest deflating and the shoulder with the hand on it relaxing slightly.

"I'll be fine. Thanks."

"…Good luck, then, I suppose."

You nodded again.

"Can I go see John now?"

_### ####_

"…_Does this mean we're dating?"_

_You glanced at him, letting a lazy smile cross your face. The two of you were spread out on the couch at your place, as per usual. It had become a routine; attend school, get bored of it halfway through the day, meet each other at lunch, and go to your place for the rest of the day. Sometimes Karkat would stay for dinner, which usually involved pizza or some other relatively unhealthy substance. However, he'd never actually stay the night. It was a little puzzling; but you weren't going to argue with the boy. _

"_Depends on you, bro. Do you want to all up and date?"_

"_Well…kind of."_

"_Then we can do that shit. Best boyfriend," you added with a tiny smirk at Karkat. Dark red eyes met your own violet and looked away again, and you could see the blush in the dim light of the television. How did he manage to be so delicate, so beautiful? You didn't realise it at first, but that was exactly what he was. Motherfucking incredible. You wrapped an arm around his small frame, drawing him closer so the two of you were touching, and the heat of his body almost burning against the cool of your own skin. You half-expected to be pushed away, what with his normally prickly attitude, but apparently you now got special treatment because he didn't complain, simply cuddling closer to you. He was so soft, so unbelievably soft. It was amazing. _

"_Hey fuckass…"_

"_Mm?"_

"_Can…can you take me home now?"_

"_Sure thing."_

"_Thanks."_

_You kissed the top of his head, feeling the rough dark locks against your lips. It was so amazingly different from his skin and you couldn't stop the deep inhale you took, smelling him. He smelt of something indescribable, a mixture of coffee and something potently sweet. It was almost…intoxicating. You stood, breaking yourself away from the trance, and took his hand instead, revelling in the texture. Everything about this small boy had you completely hypersensitive. He stood with you, and you led him to the front door. It was that moment, your hand in his and reaching for the heavy wood of the door, that it occurred to you that you loved him. _

_You honest to god motherfucking loved him._

_The realisation hit you like a burst of light. It was shocking, and kind of beautiful in it's own way. _

_Who would've thought, eh? _

"_Are we just going to stand here all fucking night or are we going to get moving?"_

_Who knew grumbling could sound so fond? _

_### ####_

**-Be Gamzee.**

_Something woke you up from your nice little dream, you weren't sure what. Something felt different; unsettling, but you had no idea what exactly it was. Did it matter what it was? Was it important? _

"_Hey, fuckass. Get up and get out of here."_

…_? "…Karbro?"_

"_Are your ears stuffed with pie again? We all know you do some stupid shit when you're high off your dumb ass, but that was ridiculous, even for you."_

_One of your eyes, heavy with sleep, cracked open, but you couldn't see the source of the voice. Had you fallen asleep on the couch again? Karkat always hated it when you did that, especially if you'd been partaking in illicit substances the night before. Something about the smell seeping into the fabric and not wanting the cops onto their asses. He was just too uptight sometimes. It'd all be good. You closed your eye again, sinking back into the rough cloth with a faint smile drifting across your face. _

"_Get the fuck up. The police are outside."_

_Both eyes opened this time, and you stood up suddenly, wobbling for a second as you regained your balance. Your gaze darted frantically about the room- Karkat's room- as you came to the conclusion the aforementioned boy was, in fact, not here. What the fuck? And what was that about the cops? _

"_Come _on, _fuckass! Do you want to be arrested for being at a crime scene?!" _

_You heard the loud thumps of footsteps outside and glanced at the doorknob. Unlocked. Shit, you only had a few minutes. How the hell were you supposed to get out of here? You'd gotten in through the window in the main room, which meant you were basically screwed beyond recognition because there were policemen out there, and even if they'd looked as bored as all hell, they still had the ability to arrest you. You sent a quick prayer to whatever was out there to give you a motherfuckin' hand here, and a disgruntled voice returned to you, echoing in the panicked rambling of your distressed mind. _

"_You got in through a fucking window, get out through one. I do happen to like the breeze when I'm sleeping, you dumb fuck. Doesn't your shit brain remember this stuff?"_

_You turned, quick as a whip now you were in a hurry and were getting some assistance, and saw it. The large window situated just above the bed. You remembered now; Karkat always had to have it open, and when you asked about it he mockingly muttered something about miracles. You'd shrugged and gone with it, but he'd actually lied because he didn't have a choice about whether the window was all up in its open state or not. _

_He didn't have a key to the window. _

_So it was always open. _

_With a small chuckle, you slipped out, back into the night, as you heard the officer that had entered the room tell his senior it was all clear, and that it must have been a rat or something. Karkat hated rats. Like he'd ever let one run around in his own home. It was almost a disgrace to the short, grumpy boy. You shook your head lightly, beginning to walk away. You couldn't come back for a while or you'd raise suspicions, which motherfuckin' sucked. _

"_Karbro, where are you?"_

_A wry chuckle hit your ears as you made your way down the street. "Wouldn't you like to know, fuckass."_

"_You motherfuckin' bet I would."_

_### ####_

**-Be Karkat again.**

'Oh my gosh, this is going to be fun!"

"Yeah, yeah, Egbert. I get it already."

Jane's laugh echoed around the car. It was weird. Like 'hoo hoo.' Who laughed like that?!

You wondered once again what kind of a batshit insane wreck of a god would make a teenage boy so goddamn girly. John had done nothing but gush about what fun and rainbows and all that shit the two of you were going to have the whole _fucking car ride. _You were half-tempted to just tell him to shut it, but you really didn't want to have to make other arrangements for living when you were almost at the Egbert household. You could only hope Jane wasn't going to leave you alone with him the whole time you were here.

John was in the front seat with Jane driving, and you were in the back with Lalonde. To be honest, you weren't exactly sure what was going on with that woman; only that she snored like a fucking suffocating pig. John had mentioned she'd been sleeping this morning as well, and didn't seem surprised in the least by the lack of activity she had going on. It was ridiculous. When had she had any time to work with all this sleeping she seemed to be doing? Why was she even working? You suspected it had something to do with Jane, but still…

"Hey, Karkitty, we're here!"

"About time," you grumbled at him as the slamming of the car doors around you echoed in your ears and it was impossible to resist the involuntary flinch that wracked your body. _Jesus Christopher kringlefucker _you were almost wishing you were deaf as well as blind. At least then you'd just be oblivious. The door beside you opened a bit more gently, but what could you expect from a boy who had some kind of affixation with hammers? That familiar warm hand landed on the sleeve of your sweater and you clicked the seatbelt off yourself, revelling silently in that tiny little piece of independence. Hey, it counted as something.

John held onto your sleeve still as you swung your legs out of the car, feeling them dangle into the warm air of outside. Behind you now, you could hear Jane scolding Roxy gently as she tried to wake up the sleeping woman. Your foot hit the small step on the truck and you used it to steady yourself, your other hand landing on John's firm shoulder as you made the small jump to the ground. Your shoes hit concrete and you stumbled for a moment, caught off guard, before arms steadied you again. The smell hit you first, an aroma of flowers, warmth, and a sharp, acrid scent that reminded you of factories. It smelt so unbelievably _real. _A rumbling vibration reached your feet and you realised with a start there were cars out on the street. Children were yelling at each other in the background, and you froze.

"You okay, Karkat?"

"Fine," you replied briskly. "Let's get inside the fucking house."

_### ####_

It was a great big damn fucking effort trying to get you up the stairs and into John's room. After multiple events, which involved both tripping, elbowing aforementioned boy, and walking into walls, you made it. While the house had a guest bedroom, it was on the third floor, and the doctor had wanted a closer monitor for the first couple of days. So, you were stuck with the shitbrain for at least a few days, which almost made you miss your hard, annoying hospital bed. Apparently you'd be sleeping in the same bed, which made you wonder what John would say if you told him you were the biggest homo on the planet and beyond.

You felt a prod on your shoulder as you sat on the bed. The comforter was soft, some kind of fur or something. It was fluffy as all hell, and you loved it already. These kinds of beds were the absolute best.

"What now?" You grumbled in his general direction.

"Wanna listen to some music?"

"Sure. Why the fuck not."

The bed shifted under you as John got up and footsteps receded to the left and you heard the Windows start-up noise. _Seriously? _Fucking_ Windows? _You let out a long, inward sigh as John began typing away at the computer. He was tapping at that thing way too loud; he needed to be gentler with the damn thing. You'd learnt that one from a long history of experience with broken keyboards and stuck caps locks buttons.

"Got it!" Came John's bubbly voice as a bass beat filled the room.

You sat there for a moment, processing the mix into your brain. You felt your frown deepen even more than usual. This really didn't sound like something Egbert would listen to. In fact, he'd told you himself he liked Imagine Dragons and Of Monsters And Men, so this sort of music was almost shocking to hear. Especially this particular song.

"John…" you started, your suspicion rising higher than a horse on meth.

The boy was oblivious. "Do you like it? You didn't seem fond of the bands I mentioned, so I thought I'd play some of my best bro's remixes for you!"

Wait.

Wait just a cocksucking minute.

"Is this a Dave _shithead Strider mix, Egbert?!"_

"Yeah! How did you recognise it? He must be more popular than I thought!"

No fucking way.

"No_ fucking _way_."_

"_-But I've been running from the sun,_

_And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you,_

_I'm, I'm hoping that God looks away this time,_

_Why would I let you go?"_


End file.
